Disordered Loves, Disordered Lives

(Translation into most languages at tab to the right)

A common feature of an addicted persons’ life is its lack of order. Chaos seems to swirl around them like clouds circling the earth. There is very little, if any, organization to their life and the only structure is what must be done in order to score the next hit for their chosen addiction and survive. Their lives are in disarray, they are dis-ordered. I remember this from when our son was using Oxy’s and heroin. Thinking about this brought up a related thought.

“Disordered Loves” is a phrase taken from the writings of St. Augustine who lived and wrote in the 4^thcentury A.D. I have only read a fraction of his impressive work, and I am amazed at how modern many of his insights on the human psyche and condition were. In City of God he said, “…though [something] is good, it can be loved in the right way or in the wrong way – in the right way, that is, when the proper order is kept, in the wrong way when that order is upset.” (1) He writes elsewhere, real love knows how “to love things…in the right order, so that you do not love what is not to be loved, or fail to love what is to be loved, or have a greater love for what should be loved less.” (2)

For example, we can look to the workaholic. They love their work and want to do a good job and be successful. But they love work more than loving the people in their life: family, friends, co-workers, and employees. To succeed, they may become dishonest even if they are normally an honest person. The need to feel successful and to be recognized supersedes all other things in their life – they fail to love what is most important. This is true of any addiction. When we love “what is not to be loved or have a greater love for what should be loved less” – anything from travel, purchases, drugs, alcohol, events, prestige, etc. – the important relationships and responsibilities will suffer.

Augustine agreed with Cicero that humans are mostly discontent and lack joy. Because of that, we search for happiness and fulfillment. So, we attach ourselves to objects that we hope will make us happy. We prioritize those objects by how valuable they are to us. We put them in order. His point is that what we spend our time on, what we value and prioritize, is what we love. And what we love directs our lives. And Augustine believed that when we place our ultimate love in temporal and finite objects, or even another person, we will still not be fulfilled because God is the ultimate source for joy, contentment, and fulfillment.

Even for people who do not embrace the spiritual truths Augustine taught, the principle remains: look at your life to see what you prioritize and spend your limited time doing and this will tell you what you love. If your life revolves around filling your life with things such as accomplishments, money, drugs, alcohol, food, pleasure, excitement, etc. – i.e., your loves – your life is disordered. 

Re-ordering our loves, and therefore our lives, is not easy. As with any major change, the first step is recognizing that something is wrong. After that, seeking help from counselors or trusted and knowledgeable friends or programs can help us with the next steps. Sacrifice will be required and we do not embrace the loss of anything we love without pain and struggle. However, we can choose to not live with turmoil and discord. We can choose to bring peace and order to our loves and to our lives. 

(Special thanks to the late Dr. Timothy Keller’s work on Augustine in Making Sense of God: An Invitation to the Skeptical. Keller’s writing and teaching has informed my life in innumerable ways.)

1. City of God, XV.22
2. On Christian Doctrine, I.27-28