What Would They Say?

(Short topical blog based on Opiate Nation – translation into most languages in tab on right.)

August 2nd is the seventh anniversary of our son’s death. JL died of a heroin overdose in the early morning hours of that Saturday in 2014. He was 25 years old.

In 2020 alone, 93,000 people died of drug overdoses in the USA – hundreds of thousands more worldwide. Millions in the past few decades. These were beloved daughters, sons, partners, parents, friends, relatives. I think I can confidently say they did not want to be addicted and if they could have turned back the clock to the time before they began using drugs, they would have.

I wonder what our loved ones would say to us if they were here today? Would they tell us how they regret they cared so much about whether their peers thought they were ‘cool’ or ‘dope’ or ‘sic’? Would they’ve wished they’d been able to talk with us or a trusty role model about their struggles as a young person in an overwhelming and fast-paced society? Would they have longed to live their life without anxiety over the difficult and numerous decisions in their future? Would they be the most vocal advocates for prevention through easily accessible information, uniformly available access to medication and recovery programs, and promptly implemented changes in drug laws and public policies?

As a mom and dad who tried so hard to be the best parents to their kids, you can imagine that we sometimes ponder these things and wish we had known more about the real struggles our young adults were facing and how to help them navigate the twists and turns in the path of life.

Although we have adjusted to living life without our son and are not crushed by grief as we were during the first year or two after his death, we are still saddened by the knowledge that every day, 90 more precious people will die from a preventable death – and their loved ones will join a group they never wanted to be a part of.

JL’s death has shaped our lives and focused our energy on working to help bring about real change in families, communities, and society that will result in declining statistics and lives saved.

Ghost Stories

(Short topical blogs based on Opiate Nation – translation into most languages in tab on right.)

When we hear the phrase “ghost stories” most of us think of scary and spooky stories shared around a campfire with the intended, and predicable, consequence of keeping us awake at night.

But when H Lee (aka Harris Insler) decided to call his new podcast series “These Ghosts Must Be Heard”, it wasn’t because he would be interviewing people with paranormal experiences. And although the stories his guests share aren’t scary in the ghoulish sense, they have kept their narrators awake at night for days, weeks, and months on end. John and I included. (To hear our interview with Harris, see links below for Podbean, Amazon, Spotify.)

https://theseghostsmustbeheard.podbean.com/

https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/3392919b-b8bc-46b4-a486-5e34b7d8dd1d/episodes/580578a3-691f-418a-a179-8bc5f72dd138/these-ghosts-must-be-heard-episode-2-jl

These are real-life experiences and these “ghosts” are the spirits of our deceased loved ones: children, friends, partners who have succumbed to premature and preventable deaths from opioid overdoses.

I’ve heard it said that stories emotionalize information. Most of us already have acquired information about addiction and the escalation of deaths from drug overdoses – almost 100,000 in 2020 in the USA alone – we’ve seen reports on the news about the opioid epidemic, drug seizures at ports and borders, celebrities going to rehab. But to transfer that information from our heads to our hearts requires another step. This is where stories come in.

Stories are proven to connect us to others and, when told honestly and well, they should place us on common emotional ground with our listeners. Good advice can feel like a lecture whereas a vivid personal story relating that same information will more likely alter our views. Scientists have found that when we are listening to or reading an engaging story, our bodies become involved with symptoms such as sweaty palms, rapid or skipped heart beats, and facial movements. On functional MRI scans, many different areas of the brain light up when someone is listening to a narrative. Our brain waves actually start to synchronize with the storyteller. *

After getting trustworthy information, then allowing it to settle into our hearts and souls through the power of stories, the next step is taking action. What can you and I do to help bring about necessary change? Harris, and all those willing to share their painful stories on his podcast – and all the other excellent addiction and recovery podcasts now being produced – do so with the intent that sharing their narrative might energize others to be informed, share their stories, and help change the outcome for future generations.

It takes courage to be vulnerable and face the dark and scary places in our lives – and even more to share those stories. Billy Graham said, “Courage is contagious. When one man takes a stand, the spines of others are stiffened.”  

* https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2020/04/11/815573198/how-stories-connect-and-persuade-us-unleashing-the-brain-power-of-narrative

Gilded Grief

(Short topical blogs based on Opiate Nation – translation into most languages in tab on right.)

While reading Rising Strong by Brené Brown, I was struck by a thought she shared about our American culture and the absence of honest conversation and the hard work it takes for us to rise strong after a fall on our face – a failure. She worries that “this lack of honesty about overcoming adversity has created a Gilded Age of Failure.”

Gilding is a perfect word-picture for this characteristically human behavior: applying a very thin coating of gold to a plain, inexpensive object that gives it the appearance of gold. This is what we do when we are dishonest about our feelings. We are choosing to make our real, plain, and common story appear better than it is.

“We’ve all fallen…but scars are easier to talk about than they are to show with all the remembered feelings laid bare…We much prefer stories about falling and rising to be inspirational and sanitized…We like recovery stories to move quickly through the dark so we can get to the sweeping redemptive ending.”  (Rising Strong, Introduction)

The irony of gilded stories is that the real and valuable story is what lies beneath and it never needed to be gilded. Our painful stories do not need to be covered over – they just need to be polished so they shine. “All that glitters is not gold” – the well-known saying from Shakespeare’s Merchant of Venice – reminds us that things which seem valuable many times are not. A fitting corollary – “All that is gold does not glitter” from Tolkien’s Fellowship of the Ring – reminds us that the plain, sometimes homely things in life are truly valuable.

For parents such as us who have lost a child to a preventable death – by overdose, suicide, alcohol poisoning, gang violence, etc. – the regrets and accompanying guilt are a “failure”, if not to others, at least to ourselves. While we all know about the stigma related to these preventable deaths, there is equal stigma surrounding openly sharing about loss and grief. During times of grieving our loved ones, most of us have heard well-meaning friends share their discomfort with our expressions of pain and hurt by encouraging us to “just move on” and “you will feel better soon.”

All of us prefer to gild the pain we experience – our sense of self and pride want to appear strong and well and on top of things. But I think we all know that this is not a healthy way to live our lives, to be fully alive. As Brown stresses in her work on vulnerability and shame, we cannot learn and grow and change after failure unless, and until, we acknowledge and deal honestly with the real hurt, heartbreak, and fear.

And John and I have found, when we are vulnerable and honest about our own failures and the resultant deep grief and emotional pain, we then invite others to be more open and honest about their own experiences and feelings.

The Cost of Secrets

 (Fourteenth in a series of topical blogs based on chapter by chapter excerpts from Opiate Nation. Translation into most languages is available to the right.)

When Breaking Bad was released in 2008, our son, and most of his generation of young people, watched it. He told us about it and encouraged us to watch it while also warning us that there would be some parts we wouldn’t like – but to keep watching. We did and he was right. But JL knew that we wanted to be connected to his life through the media he viewed and so we became fully engaged and finished the series.

When I think back about it now I realize that we didn’t fully ‘get’ why JL wanted us to watch this series. I believe now that he wanted us to understand the complications and conflicts that drug use brings into a life, perhaps knowing it would reveal secrets that he just couldn’t talk about with us directly. His life was complicated and so he lived with many inner conflicts. It is the inescapable nature of any addiction.

Continue reading “The Cost of Secrets”

Avoiding Pain

(Thirteenth in a series of topical blogs based on chapter by chapter excerpts from Opiate Nation. Translation into most languages is available to the right.)

We are living in particularly precarious times – for people born since WWII, unprecedented problems the world over – seemingly beyond our ability to control or to deal with effectively. With the Coronavirus pandemic, complex problems have arisen for our global society to attempt to solve, from the manufacturing and transport of medical supplies and personal protective equipment to the best medical treatments and the development of a vaccine – which is viewed by many as the magic potion but only if the majority of people could be convinced to ‘get the jab.’

During this extraordinary year pain has come into most of our lives in ways we have not experienced previously: physical pain from contracting Covid19, emotional pain from being isolated or from watching those we know or care for becoming sick and dying, and mental pain from the anxiety caused by all the unknowns surrounding the pandemic. For people living in poverty, these problems are compounded.

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Science Fiction and Self-Protection

(Sixth in a series of topical blogs based on chapter by chapter excerpts from Opiate Nation. Translation into most languages is available to the right.)

I have always loved Star Trek. From the early 1960’s shows with the corny scripts and goofy hairdos to the 21st century high-tech and high-stakes extravaganzas. Science fiction envisions the future for us and pushes inventions and technology from getting “beamed-up” in a flash to having a force field to deflect foreign objects.

The concept of a force field would be an incredible tool to have at our disposal – to be able to switch it on and off at will. And I can think of no better time to employ an emotional force field than during the early days and weeks after a sudden death. When it takes all your energy just to exist, to wake up and to face the next moment. An invisible barrier for self-protection.

Continue reading “Science Fiction and Self-Protection”

Lifespan of Heroin & Opioid Addicts

(Second in a series of topical blogs based on chapter by chapter excerpts from Opiate Nation. Translation into most languages is available to the right. If you feel this blog is important, please repost to your social media using the buttons below. Thank You!)

When our 25 yr old son died of a heroin overdose in 2014, the statistics for the average life-span of a heroin addict was 5 years. Five years. Not very long if you are 15 or 20 or even 30, the age when most young adults’ nowadays are just getting in gear with their career, a long-term relationship, and planning a family. To have your life swept away before you have a chance to experience some of the most wonderful years of living on this earth is painful to consider.

Continue reading “Lifespan of Heroin & Opioid Addicts”

Woefully Unprepared

(Today begins a series of topical blogs based on excerpts from Opiate Nation, chapter by chapter, that will run for 28 weeks. Translation into most languages is available to the right.)

It’s a bit ironic that as I begin blogging through Opiate Nation we are in the midst of a pandemic. Ironic in several significant ways.

Opiate Nation was written because of the opioid epidemic – which, in reality, is a pandemic. Every industrialized nation, and many emerging and third-world nations too, are dealing with the results from the ease of availability of opioids, whether natural and home-grown, or synthetic and imported. Or both, as is the case in America.

And like the Coronavirus pandemic that crept up on us so gradually that it’s deadliness caught us by surprise and mostly unprepared as nations, the opioid epidemic crept up on us too. In both cases, certain international players were unscrupulous for various reasons, causing delays in awareness when there might have been a chance for all of us to not be caught off balance.

The “inoculation” that should have happened, especially in the United States, by way of accurate scientific information disseminated by responsible leaders, didn’t happen. Instead, false information fueled by political agendas and financial motivation created a scenario that so crippled a timely public health response that, for many nations, it became too little too late.

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Loneliness in a Lonely Time

It has been said that the opposite of addiction is not sobriety, it is connection – to others, to a community. The Coronavirus pandemic has brought disconnection and magnified loneliness and stress for people the world over due to social isolation, economic instability, reduced access to spiritual communities, and overall national anxiety and fear of the future. “We certainly have data from years of multiple studies showing that social isolation and social stress plays a significant role in relapse…and relapsing to drug use can play a role in overdose.” Dr. Wilson Compton, deputy director NIDA.

The acronym HALT: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired, is used in Alcoholics Anonymous and most recovery programs. It is a simple reminder that when our basic human needs are not met, one is susceptible to toxic thoughts and self-destructive behaviors including relapse and suicide.

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OPIATE NATION WINS NATIONAL INDIE EXCELLENCE® AWARD

With so much distress in the world with the Covid-19 Pandemic, especially the effects it is having on the weakest and vulnerable members of our societies, I have hesitated to announce a personal accomplishment. Yet, my hope is that as Opiate Nation gains more visibility, it will get into the hands of people who could be most encouraged and benefit from our story.

I am a member of a group of 35,000 women called “The Addict’s Mom” on Facebook. I confess, I rarely read the posts because it is so depressing: Story after story of mom’s who have been holding out for years to see their daughter or son released from the hell-hold of addiction to drugs, only to then post that “…today I lost my daughter/son…can someone tell me how I will survive this?”  It is for these mom’s and dad’s and siblings and friends that we wrote Opiate Nation, but one of the stipulations of being a member of the group is no self-promotion. So I hope that, with more visibility and more reviews and re-posts on social media, our book will get to these most desperate of people.

Continue reading “OPIATE NATION WINS NATIONAL INDIE EXCELLENCE® AWARD”