Coming Out of the Black Hole

In doing further research in support of the upcoming publication of our memoir, I have found many new groups, websites, and blogs about the opioid epidemic. It is very encouraging. And I was thinking back to 2005 when we first discovered that our son was using Black Tar Heroin. We were in an absolute black hole of information––there was nothing to be found on the internet or in our community, even though it had been a decade since this new way of producing and marketing heroin had hit the streets of the west coast. Eventually we discovered Black Tar Heroin: The Dark End of the Street, a1999 documentary directed by Steven Okazaki. Filmed from 1995-98 in San Francisco.

As our son went through weeks of withdrawals without any medication, we finally found an outpatient recovery program for teenagers and their families in our town. (We had found inpatient programs that were in the $75-100K range, but that was beyond our resources.) Just a few weeks before we found out about our sons’ use, there had been a drug bust at his high school with many students who were using opioids sent away for rehab. What is sad and frustrating, still, is that no one––not school officials or the nurse or parents––no one let the rest of the school community know. No one shared information and I don’t think we have to wonder why.

The shame and stigma associated with having kids who use dangerous drugs is something that is still very much a taboo for many people. I continue to hear about young people who “died suddenly” but with no explanation of how. Sadly, we have learned from experience that 20-somethings do not die suddenly for no reason.

This makes the growing number of parents who are coming forward and sharing their stories worth celebrating––along with the many new organizations for helping families handle the complexities of addiction, detox, rehab, and recovery. All the awareness and action brings me hope to think that there will be fewer kids getting addicted in the first place and fewer families planning memorial services.

Here are just a few websites worth visiting and passing on, especially to anyone who has children starting with middle school age and up. It is never too soon for parents and their kids to be informed.

CRAFT PROGRAM: Community Reinforcement and Family Training  https://alliesinrecovery.net/about-craft/

Denial is a common theme among those suffering from addiction. If someone is regularly abusing alcohol, prescription drugs, or illicit substances, denial might have them convinced that there is no problem or that any problems are only the perceptions of their loved ones.  50% of people suffering from substance use disorder, and who admit they have a problem, are resistant to getting help. CRAFT was designed with these individuals in mind. Rather than target the person with addiction directly, CRAFT works with the concerned significant others so that they can assist the person to admit they have a problem and then seek help. It also helps show friends and family how to better communicate with their addicted loved ones.

Family Resource Center

http://www.familyresourcectr.org/
“Empowering families to understand and address a child’s substance use.”
Offers a variety of age-specific resources such as videos, articles, manuals, etc. to help understand what addiction is, who is susceptible, and the other long-term consequences associated with adolescent substance use. It can give you the resources you need to support your child before, during and after substance misuse begins.

https://humanizingaddiction.com/
“…a website that will introduce addiction to those not impacted in order to help prevent it from capturing a loved one and to bring awareness that the unthinkable is real. A place to share our love for ones that struggle to hopefully inspire others still fighting to come out from behind closed doors and to scream from the rooftops that our gracefully broken are the faces of those not aware that it can happen to them. A source that offers a private look into the day in a life of those captured by addiction. A site with personal journals of those that struggle against addiction each day.”

http://thealarmgroup.org/
“ALARM: A Living Amends Resource Media – The Voice of the Voiceless
To amend means to make a change.  We believe the epidemic proportion of the drug problem in the United States requires change, so we decided to act on creating the change we want to see. We’ve seen the raw results of this plague and couldn’t sit on the sidelines. It seemed like everyone we talked to knew or was related to someone who had died of an overdose or complications of opioid drug use.
We started interviewing and filming families who have lost loved ones to prescription opioids and heroin.”
YouTube link for short summary video of interviews:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=131&v=HBkG0FxeMDU

Woman of Substances

In 1979, the novel A Woman of Substance was published. It was the first in a series of seven portraying the substances and schemes, the means and maneuvers of three generations of a retail empire. Being “a woman of substance” is considered a great compliment for a woman who aspires to be influential, a woman of power, a positive influence. 

In a clever spin on this phrase, journalist and author Jenny Valentish has written Woman of Substances. I picked it up last year while in Melbourne, Australia and I couldn’t put it down. Her narrative flair for relaying her personal experiences while presenting scientific findings on addictions of all  sorts is extremely engaging for women – and men.

Jenny’s nutshell:

A girl falls down a rabbit hole. She obeys every ‘drink me’, ‘eat me’ prompt and meets all sorts of freaky characters. Chaos ensues. Then she wakes up and exploits her position as a journalist to ask experts what that was all about.

Although it is not a memoir per se, her blatant honesty and self-deprecation about her past and her choices is revealing, while not glamorizing the depths to which her addictions took her. She interviewed 35 clinicians, counsellors, doctors and academics about their fields of expertise and shares her personal experiences of her up and down road to recovery and sobriety.

The chapters cover: The roles of temperament and impulsivity in addiction. Hitching adolescent identity to substances. Internalized misogyny as a contributing factor. The relationship between substance use, eating disorders and self-harm. Sexual assault and spiking. The impact of childhood trauma on the brain and behavior. Related foibles, such as gambling, theft, compulsive buying and compulsive sexual behavior. Self-medicating mental illness and PTSD. AA and other forms of treatment. The ways in which research and treatment is geared towards the male experience.

My husband, daughter, and I had the privilege of meeting with Jenny for lunch in Melbourne last week. She is as real in person as she is in print. We discussed current trends of drug addiction in Australia along with recovery and family help groups she is connected with.

What reviewers are saying:

“Raw, revealing, at times heartbreaking, but searingly honest and aimed to support anyone who is wondering if they will ever recover from addiction.”

“This book taught me things I wasn’t expecting about the landscape of substance use. You don’t have to be a spectacular comet of crazy like the young Valentish to find something of yourself in these pages. I can’t imagine there isn’t a young person, friend or parent who won’t get something important from reading this book.”

“Like a tour guide in a foreign land, Valentish waves a flag and provides a path back from the abyss. This is an enormously compelling, confronting and informative piece on addiction and recovery from a female perspective.”

Ultimately, Jenny show us that being a Woman of Substances keeps you from being influential, powerful, and a positive influence. As we told her, we are proud of her determination to truthfully relay her failures and her persistence in walking the uphill road to wellness and freedom. They will assure her place as a powerful and positive influence on this generation.

www.womanofsubstances.com

You can purchase Woman of Substances on Amazon or at your local bookseller.

Change Our Way of Thinking

In the 1970’s, Bob Dylan sang: “We’ve got to change our way of thinking, make ourselves a different set of rules…”

I thought about this song recently as I remember how differently we, as parents of an opiate/heroin user, thought a decade ago. We thought, and were taught, that if our son just worked the 12-Steps hard enough he could gain lasting sobriety.

We had an abrupt and jolting wake up call on August 2nd, 2014. And what we have learned since our son’s death is that it’s just not that simple. Yes, there are opiate addicts – better, those with Substance Use Disorder – who have survived this deadly addiction without Medication Assisted Treatment (MAT), but they are few and far between. And they did not achieve sobriety with one attempt.

Last week,I heard an update on the current Ebola outbreak in the Congo. Two hundred people have died already and those fighting the battle are using every resource possible to contain it. It is terrible.

What if we treated the opioid epidemic with the same urgency and resources?

A sheriff in a county near Seattle had a similar epiphany last year after he was elected sheriff. He toured the jail and and saw it had become a de facto detox center full of very, very sick people. TY Trenary said: “Detoxing from heroin is like having the worst possible stomach virus you can have. People are proned out, just suffering.”

Last year, leaders declared the opioid epidemic a life-threatening emergency. The county is now responding to the drug crisis as if it were a natural disaster, the same way it would mobilize to respond to a landslide or flu pandemic.

The county’s program includes small steps, like making transportation easier for people in drug treatment. They train family members and others in the community on steps to reverse overdoses with medicine, and they send teams of police officers and social workers to help addicted homeless people.

The new approach is paying off. The teams have helped hundreds of people find housing and drug treatment.

I have changed my way of thinking – how about you?

https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2018/10/28/658476111/a-rural-community-decided-to-treat-its-opioid-problem-like-a-natural-disaster%20?utm_source=npr_newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_content=20181104&utm_campaign=&utm_term=

STIGMA, Part 2: How to Remove Stigma

Although name-calling is childish and something most parents teach our kids to not do––even when provoked––it’s surprising how many families use it as a weapon and carry its poison into adulthood. The name-calling and negative labeling we have been subjected to from prominent political leaders in the past few years must have been learned at home and seems effective with others who are similarly immature. I was raised with the saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” as a way to deflect hurtful, shaming words. As I came to realize when I grew up, it is the farthest thing from true. Negative labels stick like glue to our hearts and souls, and for those struggling with addiction and alcoholism, come to define them––especially to themselves.

When words are dismissive and disdainful they telegraph judgment of addiction as a moral failure, chosen and desired, for which a person deserves to be shamed. Let’s change our vocabulary with true words that describe addiction for what it is: a chronic disease of the brain. Change the inaccurate and stigmatized word “abuse” to “substance-use disorder”: a health issue that can be treated successfully with medication, group involvement and support, and therapy.

Hazelden says their “fundamental addiction stigma-smashing strategy is to shine a light on people who are in recovery and expose the reality that people actually do recover from addiction; that it’s a chronic disease that can be successfully managed for life; and that it affects individuals who are every bit as moral, productive, intelligent, talented—and humanly flawed—as the next person.” That means you and me.

Also, educating health care professionals is very important as they work on the front lines in many areas: in prescribing medications and monitoring patients more closely in order to get them the right help as early as possible. They need the basic knowledge to recognize substance use disorders, understanding the complexity of the disease and the recovery process. Statistics show that physicians are still over-prescribing opiate pain medications, especially after accidents and surgeries, and not making use of physical therapy for pain management. In Dr. Jana Burson’s blog about stigma she cites one doctor who is pro-stigma, saying is “a good thing because stigma discourages deviant behavior and has a civilizing effect on society… and people with substance use disorders are irresponsible.” This doctor said of people who relapse back to drug use repeatedly “it is a behavior almost always under one’s control…” Dr. Burson says, “Loss of control over substance use is one of the hallmark criteria for the diagnosis of substance use disorder.” See her blog for the remainder of this important discussion.

https://janaburson.wordpress.com/2018/07/16/stigma-and-substance-use-disorders/

And prevention. This is the best weapon we have to fight against the epidemic that is taking the lives of over 70,000 mostly young people every year in our country. Trying to stop the immoral manufacturers of addictive drugs in illicit labs in China and Mexico––and by big Pharma in US––is a lofty goal and worth continued effort. But those drugs would have limited consumers if we focus our attention on clearly and openly teaching our children about drug and alcohol addiction from an early age and continuing the dialogue as they mature and experiment. And yes, even as some of our own children become the the 20% who find that, among all of their friends that try the same drugs at a party, they are the ones who can’t just walk away, they would know they can come to us without shame and stigma and ask for help.
The AMA and Am. Society of Addiction Medicine (ASAM) have a good article on stigma:
https://www.asam.org/resources/publications/magazine/read/article/2015/12/15/patients-with-a-substance-use-disorder-need-treatment—not-stigma